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Just not sure what to do...

Ugh. This all seems so silly, but I don't know what to do, how to handle this situation, and it's definitely all my fault.

I was in an on again/off again sort of relationship with a guy for a bit over 4 years. I guess it was mostly off, and we were friends with benefits for a long time... At one point towards the beginning when we were FwB, I fell in love with him, the feeling wasn't mutual, he broke my heart... We didn't even "officially" start dating until April of last year, and even then, it wasn't much of a relationship (especially since it was long distance). For some reason, starting around October of last year, I just...stopped wanting to answer his calls. In a LDR, that's not a good thing. We broke up, sort of without me realizing it, and in January, I found out he had a new girlfriend. I felt a bit heartbroken, just knowing he'd moved on, but that lasted all of a week.

While he was with his new girlfriend, though, he still wanted to get together, have a weekend of fun with me. I...wasn't sure how to feel about that, as I didn't want to screw up his relationship or anything. I mean, on one hand, fun sexytimes with someone I have awesome sexual chemistry with! On the other hand...thoughts of being "the other woman" or enabling him to sabotage his relationship...not exactly things I wanted to do. From what I've heard, they've now broken up. He's been calling me every day for over two weeks. I haven't answered a single call.


I don't know why I'm not answering his calls. I just know that whenever I hear his ringtone, I want to hide under my covers and wait 'til it stops. I feel bad, because I know he wants to talk. He and I have been very, very good friends for years now, and I don't want to lose that friendship. Maybe he needs me to be there to listen as he processes this breakup? I don't even know. I don't want to lose the friendship...but I don't want to answer my phone, and it's kind of making me feel like the worst. I just don't know what I should do.

Thoughts? Ideas? Suggestions? ...anyone?

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