We are attending a wedding this weekend at a state park. Cool, right? Well, here’s the thing about that...

This park is huge, with 4 separate entrances. And the roads from those entrances? Yeah, they don’t connect. So, if you go in the wrong entrance, you have to turn around, drive back out of the park and find the right entrance; the entrances are each about 20 minutes from one another and they’re all marked the same (basically, “Park Entrance.” Ok, which entrance?!). This park is infamous for getting people lost: no one gets the right entrance the first time around. This park is fudged. It is known.

So, of course, the couple didn’t tell people which entrance to go in. Nor did they post a map on their wedding website. When we asked where the heck we’re supposed to go, and how to get there, we were met with, “Isn’t that what your phone is for?”

Holy shit, dudes! We can’t get directions on our phones if we don’t know where we’re going! And it’s likely our phones won’t work in the middle of nowhere. It never occurred to you, while creating a website full of pictures of you kissing, that your guests might also need directions in a very confusing park?!

Also, the ceremony and reception (in the same location once we get into the park, thank goodness) are scheduled three and a half hours apart.

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Soooo, we finish up the ceremony in half an hour and then? Stand around for three hours while they get their photos taken, I guess?

When we asked what was planned between the ceremony and reception for guests, we were told, “It’s a state park. You can hike or rent a paddleboat.”

Fer sher! I’m definitely going for a hike in my dress in our hot, humid summer weather! Hell, maybe I’ll even go water skiing!

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Fucking blergh, dude.