A few weeks ago, I told my ex that he may come visit me and spend months proving he is a different person than when we were last together. Since then, he's bought a plane ticket for me to visit him (I have other friends there, so that's actually quite a treat) and he just got clearance from his boss to telecommute next week so he drive down and be here for Valentine's Day/a longer visit than a long weekend.

But almost all of you don't believe much in the possibility he's actually changed. I am deeply, deeply conflicted here. I have moles in his town that say he doesn't go out/drink nearly as much as he used to, he's having talks with his dad about settling down and changing his life, and he's giving in to every demand so far.

In the last post I didn't say "but I love him" in the Pros. It's so, so hard to even suss out how I feel under the massive layer of protective armor I built after he broke my heart over a year ago. I'm not charmed yet but I am letting him visit again. I have to say I'm mildly impressed and that when it's good with him, and it was a lot of the time, it is really, really good - inside jokes, affection, reading together in bed on Saturday afternoons.