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UHG: Neighbors Edition

Illustration for article titled UHG: Neighbors Edition

This is not my Unwanted House Guest, but my neighbors' (who live in the other side of my double). I am just bursting at the seams to tell someone about this and don't want to do it IRL because I don't want one of my drunk idiot friends to tell the guest I told them about him.


Saturday afternoon, at 1pm, I have some friends on our porch. Someone emerges who is not my neighbor. He mumbles a bunch of things and walks away. He returns with a bag of Cheetohs and some liquor. In a thick, English accent, he asks, "jeez, when do you New Orleanians sleep?"

At night, like humans, is the answer to that question.

I didn't get it at first but I guess he was telling us we were keeping him awake. He slinks back into the house, and a few minutes later the whole place is just vibrating with house music. I'm wondering if he murdered my neighbors and moved in, because this isn't their style.


Later, my neighbors approach from elsewhere, and they are like, "uhh, I see you met 'Harry.' Did he keep you up last night?" He hadn't. "Yeah he showed up unannounced at 5:30am and beat on all the windows to get in." Wut. I asked if he was terrified, and my neighbor said that this happens about once every 5 years.

Apparently this guy got kicked out of the Bahamas, and is an old friend of my neighbor. I don't know what he did to get kicked out, but he doesn't have a passport and so he can't go back to England but they let him come here.


Anyway, he's been having mid-day dance parties (apparently) everyday since last Saturday. My neighbor keeps apologizing for him, and yelling at him about his music. They are eating hamburgers from a nearby bar everyday. There is generally no end planned for this guy's couch-surfing, and they live in a little shotgun house! There is no privacy, haha. Poor neighbors.

I guess New Orleans is the best place to go if you get kicked out of a country.

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