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So an unidentified man turns out to be my good friend, I found out today. I went to see him at the hospital. He is supposed to turn out ok, he is in good spirits, probably thanks to morphine, but the bullet is lodged in his spine, they can’t operate for a few days and he can’t move one of his legs (but he can wiggle his toes on that leg so that’s a good sign).

Like, I’m all concerned about whether I knew anyone in this crowd where a drunk driver hit a bunch of people, but turns out my friend was the weird freak accident I totally discounted. Why am I so naive? Have I become a person that hears “someone got shot” and I just shrug it off as Mardi Gras shit now???

As soon as I found out, I sent him a text that I was going to come see him and that I love him, and his morphine-fueled response was “u saw i was shot by a toilet! WTF man” alongside a photo of him with the mayor in his hospital room. So, I mean, on paper, the thing that happened is funny, if you forget there was a life-threatening element. A gun went off in a porta-let and shot him (seems like an accident), and the parade happening at that time (“Tucks”) is literally a toilet-themed parade. Also, if a fortune teller came up to me a week ago and said, “This bizarre thing is going to happen to someone you know” I would have instantly guessed this person, because we all know someone who just attracts weird situations, right?


Also, in his good spirits, he was yelling as loud as he could, “I am the face of gun control!” I mean, yes, he’s a reason for gun control, but I’m not sure he’s THE face. It is a felony to carry a gun near a parade route no matter your license, but the person apparently fled because it wasn’t immediately apparent where the shot came from, so it doesn’t really matter who it is or what license they had.

We were speculating, based on the typical crowd at that particular parade, that it was probably tourists in town, being all like “New Orleans is dangerous, I’m bringing my gun!” and then, oh look. Who made it dangerous?

I am waffling between being really sad and focused on his health and well-being, and totally fucking flabbergasted.

ETA: By the way, if you’re wondering, the winky-eyed bald guy in the novelty tee in the video is our mayor.

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