Hello! I am back. Muahahahaha

Ahem.

I have a real quandary that I would like to ponder here, in the hive mind. It involves compensation.

Let me preface this by saying I am going to try my best to not whine as I know that I am SO FORTUNTE to have a job, and if I sound like I'm throwing a pity party, I apologize, but I really need advice.

Now, I would say I am slightly underpaid for the level of responsibility and information (sensitive/confidential) I have to deal with at my job.

Salary boards and my friends in similar positions in other companies do/are saying that I am WAY underpaid.

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In relation to the other people in the organization I am amongst the lowest paid. Which presents a small nagging problem when I find myself feeling resentful of those paid comparatively but who don't have to shoulder the same responsibilities.

Now, herein lies the hard part - this is literally the best job I've ever had. It's amazing in all other aspects, just not this one.

Why is this an issue? I'm getting older, I want to start a life and I feel I can't do that if I'm scraping by (and yes scraping, I live in SoCal). Buying a new car/house are currently really major investments for me, if not impossible at the rate I am going.

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There is also my boyfriend who lives in the state I originate from and (although very VERY supportive of me and my career and my choices) I know would be DELIGHTED if I skipped back to town and got a job there.

Blah Blah rambling blah - okay. Okay.

When does asking for a raise - at to which level seems to be industry standard (even if it's WAY higher than what you currently make) become ungrateful and when is it considered self preservation?

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I've never expected anyone to support me and I take a lot of pride in being able to do it myself, but I feel I sometimes forget to take the next steps up the ladder. It requires asking for it, and I don't like to do that.

I kind of see it both ways, and I wish I wouldn't feel bad for essentially asking to be monetarily recognized for the level of work I feel I am at, but here I am, feeling shitty. Is this a symptom of girlhood in which we are not meant to ask for things "above us"? Or things that we have not yet been told we can have? Am I conditioned to not want to step on any toes to my own detriment? I feel like I am.

Thoughts? Have you asked this question of your employer? What were the results?