She died in December 2006. And yes, she's my mom too. My sister was almost 21 then; I had recently turned 19.

When a loved one dies, I don't expect you to just "get over it." You can't, because life is never the same after that. In some ways, each day is a little bit worse, because you get a little farther from those memories you shared.

I guess I do expect you to . . . get used to it, though? It's weird because I feel like I should be literally the most sympathetic person in the whole entire world because I'm her only sibling and Mother was my mom too, but in my head I'm just like "Why don't you go complain about the thing you don't have to someone who has that thing?" I want to care, but I just have 0 fucks to give.

Yes, I know it's different for girls, and she was closer to Mother than I was. I know she hopes to get married someday and it bums her out that Mother won't be there. I get that. But if I ever get married, I'll just be happy I'm invited to the ceremony, you know?

My sister doesn't complain about Mother being gone all on its own, but if she's really upset about something else she'll usually mention it at some point. My sister and I are really close, but I guess I don't like talking to her when she's upset, and I don't like sharing my own mental health issues with her. Also, this was the second time she called me today, and I've only been awake since 3 pm. (The first time she called she wasn't upset.)