Sorry I'm late with the Pool update. Although I hear you lot broke Kinja as well as welcomed new commenters and found a new obsession

UHG made quite the exit— making no clear plans for leaving (thereby convincing commenters she had a secret plan to stay), scamming Bumble for a final burrito, and overcharging her for a "gift" for SmallBeaver. It had some of us wondering if this is a particularly Canadian saga of next-level-niceness. But I believe Atxcatrancher best captured the community's escalating disbelief, outrage and need to impose order on this hot mess.

UHG also made sure to continue her house creeping, this time following BB around and regaling her with a "5 Tissue Tale" of the weekend of "Illicit Love That Will Never Die Unless Mr. UHG Makes It Big." But you know who don't care? BumbleLoki

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To me, this means we have a winner in Category #5- Emotional Dump: mcstabbypants!!!!

Way to go Baby. You knew before the rest of us that UHG doesn't have SmallBeaver's ability to to manage her feelings.

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And although Lettik still has some sense that Category #13 (girl got FIRED) is still up for grabs and BumbleBeaver provides supporting evidence, our final category is really #3: UHG gets kicked out.

Several commenters bet that UHG would be resolute and go the distance. To mash-up my epic sagas, I imagine BB was like this on that final, fateful day:

A day may come when the courage of men fails… but it is not THIS day – Aragorn

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We have THREE people who guessed "Goes the distance"

Know'm sayin'?

Notorious GIGI

SunshineDay-lost-her-burner

Congratulations You Guys! Sorry Mr.Disconnected! And thank god this is over because I am down to my last "Tom Hiddleston fondles an award" gifs.

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I've done the final tally of winners in a separate post.

Fittingly, SmallBeaver was the hit of the final update. BeavieSmalls did a little "tossed straws" performance art version of UHG's departure.

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Few people realize that "Whoop" means "don't let the doorknob hit ya" in Elizabethan English. In fact, it appears in some of the disputed plays of Shakespeare: "Queen Entitled's Lament" and "Alls Well That Gets Your Ass Out of Here."

Although we trust in BumbleBeaver's judgement that a clean break via Email of Doom is best, a HUGE number of commenters are regretting the lack of a final "read your ass" moment almost as much as we regret/are relieved the end of the saga of UHG.

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But we already have another UHG and we're switching to BINGO instead of spreadsheets—channel your inner grandma and play along, why don't you?

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Y'all, it has been a total GAS! I'm in major work mode, but hope this weekend to do an update on the fanfic—so not too late to post your theories, alternative scenarios, rampant and salacious speculation.