Hey all. I’m sorry that I haven’t been around as much for the past few months, this semester has kicked my ass. I’ve been working four to five days a week while taking three classes, attempting to learn a new language, performing with my jazz ensemble, and preparing for my move and subsequent transfer to a new school at the end of the year. The good news is, I’m doing relatively well in all of my classes, I found a new apartment in my new city and will be going up there to sign the lease tomorrow, I have all of my transfer materials in at my new school, and this week is my last week at Starbucks, thank God.
I move into my new place on December 28th, and if everything else continues to go according to plan, I’ll be registered as a junior level full time student at my new four year university for the spring semester. (after spending the last five semesters in community college working to repair my low GPA from my first attempt at higher education) I’m just going to be taking classes and not working for my first semester at my new school which I’m thrilled for. I’m only 45 hours short of my bachelor’s and hopefully I can knock that out over 3-4 semesters pretty easily.
Also, my boyfriend and I are still together. He told me that he loved me for the first time this morning. I’ve felt that way about him for a long time, but I was staying cautious because of everything we went through over the summer when we split up for awhile after his depression resurfaced. He was holding me in bed this morning after I’d had a rough night (***trigger warning ahead***)
I’ve been working through some resurfacing PTSD lately. While I’m doing fairly well emotionally, my body hasn’t been wanting to respond sexually, despite me having a willing spirit, being attracted to and feeling safe with my boyfriend, and us having a healthy, happy sex life with plenty of great experiences contained in it up to this point. One of those “the body remembers” kinds of situations. So, I got pretty frustrated and started tearing up because I wanted to be intimate with him, but I couldn’t get aroused. He cuddled me and rubbed my back until I fell asleep, then we woke up this morning and he was playing with my hair and said “Hey Natface?” to which I said “yes?” and he said “I love you.” and I told him that I loved him too, very much. I’ve been a big ball of mush ever since. <3 (also we were able to successfully bone after that and it was awesome.)
I’m really happy. Things are going really well, and I don’t want to fall into that “wait for the other shoe to drop” trap, because I know there’s never a guarantee on anything, but I really just want to stay in the moment here and enjoy this. It’s been a rough few months but things are really coming together. I’ve successfully built a good relationship with a man I care for deeply. I’m going forward in my education. I’m leaving my current city, which while it’s offered me many new experiences and tons of growth, there’s also been a lot of heartache here and I’m very happy to be moving on. I have a firm grasp on where my life is headed. Also, I think the holidays this year are going to be much happier and more peaceful than in the past, because I have set boundaries with my family and I’m committed to only spending time with people that love me unconditionally.
How are y’all doing? What are you looking forward to over the holidays?