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So I am now unable to get pregnant. You guys have no idea what a huge relief this is to me (okay probably a lot of you do). The IUD has been placed. It was really easy, just some slight twinges and pressure and it was done. I also told her about my rough week last week. I couldn't bring myself to print out my words. I'm not ready to be that vulnerable with someone IRL. Sorry. But I told her I wanted to just not have to do this anymore. She asked if I had a plan and I answered truthfully. No. It was all fantasy. A desire to just hit reset on this. I told her about my breastfeeding struggles and my feelings of inadequacy and like I'm failing. She reiterated everything you all have told me. I'm not a failure. I'm a good mom cuz I care. etc. She gave me permission to stop breastfeeding. She said she needed someone to say that to her and no one did. She probably should have stopped but she didn't. What I heard is that she didn't quit even though she really wanted to. Anyway I don't need her permission you guys, I need to give myself permission and I'm not ready for that yet.

She doubled my dose of Zoloft. Tried to get me in to see my therapist but couldn't. Wants to see me in a week to see if the double dosage is helping. Made me promise to call the crisis hotline if I need it. Gave me a hug. I think she'll be calling me daily this week too. I feel like such a loser that I need this. My mom called me and left a message while I was at the appointment but I haven't bothered to listen to it yet. I'm still too mad at her I don't want to talk. My doctor agreed my mom was being an asshole and we will be revoking her access to the baby monitor.

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