Welcome To The Bitchery
Welcome To The Bitchery

I posted a thread awhile back about a terrible quack of a psych I got referred to. It was a triggering, victim-blamey experience with a doctor who handed me meds without even knowing I was pregnant. I was so uncomfortable that I complained to my OB who refuses to send any more women there. I then called a million and one people, reached out to past shrinks and everyone was either booked, not accepting out-of-hospital-group patients or would refuse to see a pregnant woman. Well, I’m now 32 weeks and I have a shrink, guys! My therapist thinks I am doing awesome and so does my psychiatrist, too.

I have a psychiatrist who not only seems like a good fit but is able to work with his attending who specializes in pediatric and prenatal care to identify other options that we might not have thought of. After a long and thorough meeting, I am psyched to say we have a treatment plan that is not anti-formula feeding/you have to breastfeed at all costs and that they think I am doing remarkably well despite all of the pain and sickness I’ve experienced this pregnancy with HG (severe and consistent morning sickness) and SPD (a pain condition). They are putting me back on my silver bullet med the day I deliver and would have put me back on it sooner if I wasn’t coping so well with just talk therapy. In their opinion, the risks outweigh the benefit for breastfeeding and no other med will work as well without a risk, so that is off the table. I assumed this going into my pregnancy and am okay with it.

However, after attending my birth class last night, I want to spit nails. My OB and the coordinator for the hospital assured me it wouldn’t just be a breastfeeding shamefest with things I couldn’t do. I have some supreme physical limitations in that I am currently unable to go sleep upstairs in my own bedroom because stairs and I’m not permitted to exercise and have to be on bedrest any time I’m not at work lying on my damn side or with my feet propped up. It’s SO not clear whether I will be able to deliver vaginally but I am open to learning about “safe” ways to push and labor (being on my back is not one) while trying not to feel overexposed or violated in the chance I can. The positions we were forced into last night required yoga experience (which would have been great 8 months ago), balance on balls, or were just fucking impossible and dangerous for my back and pelvis. And all of the ones basically were “no nos” with pain management options and basically would have exposed my genitalia in the worst of all ways to like a dozen people. As a survivor of sexual abuse, I’m not comfortable even with my own husband seeing me in some of these positions. This was a new emotion for me and it felt really violating. When I mentioned that I can’t do these exercises per my doctor (because the nurse was like “why aren’t you participating?”) and were their modifications, the educator put me on the spot. She had no idea about my somewhat common pain condition and she seemed to think I was full of shit.

I’m also somewhat elderly. I’m the oldest person in the class besides my older yet husband. I’m only 29. You know you are in the lower midwest when that’s the case. Everyone in the class just complains about being bored since they are housewives or “getting fat”. I’ve successfully kept down about 500 calories today. No fucking joke. I’ve lost 33 lbs and I wear that like a badge because I could be worse off if I wasn’t medicated and trying so damn hard to eat small amounts on a schedule. I passed out in my bathroom due to dehydration today. And yeah, I’m the breadwinner in our household. I relate to these unicorn people not at all and I feel like I can’t speak up or ask questions without looking like an idiot.

Has anyone else in here experienced the whole being-the-old-mom thing? Is there a way to bridge this gap or talk to the nurse teaching the class? I brought up some potential things my OB had recommended as options for those with epidurals that seemed sound but actually was hoping we could practice things. Instead, the nurse was kind of “yeah I don’t teach that... natural birth... blah blah blah.” The hospital’s epidural rate is like 60% so I don’t believe for a second that wouldn’t benefit half of the class at least! And next week we talk about breastfeeding for half the class and I’ve already been shamed once. Before class, should I maybe just privately mention that we are not breastfeeding for medical reasons and that we are glad to listen but that our minds on this won’t be changing? Or does that seem adversarial?


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