So as an update to my last post, a lot happened today. All good, I think.
First of all, my mom almost talked me into sending a very unprofessional I’M OUT email because she thought I couldn’t handle going into work today, but I DID GO IN and was therefore able to set a professional tone. Don’t listen to moms or panic attacks, folks.
I had another conversation with the point person at my program where he gave me permission to quit and even roleplayed the conversation with my supervisor! Which was...shocking? I expected a lot of pushback and got nearly none.
I then went and had said conversation with my supervisor and it was...strangely cathartic? They were not on the verge of firing me as I assumed, although they did want to cut back on my workload. They admitted to having a negative impression of me (???) at the beginning but made it sound like they had changed their mind because I was “trying”. That was strangely validating since I felt bullied at the beginning. But they seemed understanding of why I needed to quit and it sounds like we’re going to amicably work on a game plan for transitioning my clients. (Yay!)
It was a strange experience today because I realized that there were parts of this experience that I will miss, like the clients and some of my other coworkers. At the same time, I have no doubt that my mental health will continue to get worse if I work there - and my mental health is already pretty bad.
Ironically, this workplace is not as emotionally or mentally traumatic as my other placements where I am constantly fielding crises. However, I feel fundamentally SUPPORTED and like I’m given THE BENEFIT OF THE DOUBT when there’s a problem, which basically turns me into superwoman.
The work that I do at this placement is not as high-risk, and ironically, I think that working at a higher-risk placement is a bit of a protective factor against passive-aggressive bullshit or power games. Because nobody has time for that when you’re trying to work as a team to stop someone from killing themselves or getting a child away from their abuser.
Anyway, happy endings do exist! Sort of.