UPDATE: When BoyPenguin came home last night, we talked. I said that I understood why he was frustrated that there was stuff out, but that it was at least 50% his mess. I also said that I do lots of other chores, and started listing them off.
He apologized. He said he was frustrated and subconsciously knew that it was partly his fault, and that he felt guilty he hasn’t been helping as much around the house, instead coming home from work and “flopping,” as we call it in the Penguin House. He said he knows that I do more things, and he’s grateful for all of it, even if he doesn’t say so. I told him I’m happy to do those things, I don’t need a cookie every time I do something to take care of our house. It only became an issue when he brought it up yesterday. He apologized again for being a dick and we talked about things we could do to prevent this from happening.
One of the things I suggested came from Silveradobojangles, who said her and her boyfriend both clean up after meals. BoyPenguin liked this idea. I also suggested that we should do a quick check of the kitchen before we go to bed and put things away if they’re still out. He agreed with this too, and said he’ll work on being better about doing his part, not getting annoyed with me when he’s really just annoyed about something else, and apologized again.
So we’re ok. We just had to talk about it.
BoyPenguin and I had a quick disagreement this morning about cleaning. I will admit, I’m not the best as cleaning as I cook, and I can be a bit slow about cleaning up after food. This is mostly because once the food is done, I want to eat it, then I want to sit and digest, and then I’ve forgotten the mess I should clean up. I’m getting better and working on it.
BoyPenguin was annoyed this morning because when he came down to make his tea, there was some of the stuff that I’d made the other night sitting out (food I made for both of us), and some things that he’d left out from cooking for his friend a few nights before.
He listed all the things that I’d left out that he had to put away, conveniently forgetting the stuff he’d left out, or the fact that he’d also left out some lettuce and a sliced tomato on his cutting board that I’d cleaned up after it had sat out overnight. So we had a conversation this morning about me being better about cleaning up after myself.
But then I started thinking about things, and while yes, I’m bad at cleaning up immediately, I do all of the deep cleaning in the house. Weekly, I wipe down all of the countertops (moving things off the counter so I can get into all the nooks and crannies), I clean the stove top, including cleaning the stove cooking doohickey things, I clean all the bathrooms, do all the vacuuming, dusting, sweeping, and mopping. I sometimes do his laundry, and when the laundry gets to be too much, i’ll fold all of his and mine at once and put his away. During the summer, I’m the only one who does the yardwork, including mowing the yard (it’s a small yard).
I’m just one of those people who cleans well when I have set aside an hour or two hours for cleaning and chores. I have a harder time doing the in-the-moment stuff. I mean, I do it, but not as well as he’d like. And apparently he’s also not doing it as much as he’d like.
We don’t really ever fight, and I wouldn’t say this is a fight, but it’s bugging me. And I do totally get being annoyed at having to put away the small things in the morning before you can make tea, so I sympathize with him. But I also don’t think he realizes that I’m doing an hour or so of general cleaning in the house several times a week, things he doesn’t see. I don’t have a problem with that, since I work less than he does, but I am also grumpy that he’s annoyed with me about my level of cleaning.
I haven’t pointed any of this out to him yet.
Thanks for letting me vent.