Welcome To The Bitchery
Welcome To The Bitchery

Update! Update! Read all about it!

Illustration for article titled Update! Update! Read all about it!

Hark! An update! With bonus possible self-doxxing! You may recall last week, I was contemplating feeding an apple to my personal drama llama per this adventure at the gym. To make sure I backed myself up, I first decided to get a copy of the waiver I had signed just to check that there wasn't a line somewhere in there that said "we may take whatever facebook photos of yours we feel like taking so suck on that mwahahaha" (spoiler alert: there isn't.)

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Getting the waiver was exactly as easy as you possibly guessed:

Can I have a copy of the waiver?
You can only fill out the waiver on our special waiver ipads. For waivers.
Yes, I know. I've already filled out a waiver. On account of how I'm here every day? Remember like 30 seconds ago when you greeted me by name? I just want to read a copy.
Let me see if we have paper copies. [Pause] We do not.
Can you print one?
I'm not supposed to give you a blank one.
Can you give me a not blank one? Like, for example, mine?
Well, I can only give you yours.
Okay, please do so.
You might have to wait a bit.
[I wait a bit]

But in the end, it was totally worth it because the very last page, the very last page, contained my member photo that they took two years ago. I realize I may be doxxing myself here but it is worth it because behold the GLORY of this photo:

Illustration for article titled Update! Update! Read all about it!
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It looks just like me! Coming soon to a website without my permission near you!

Bonus update: Oh and remember that crazy pants "friend" that I was like "it's cool y'all she is Europe's problem these days"? Back in town for a shot gun wedding.

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