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Welcome To The Bitchery
Illustration for article titled Update! Update! Read all about it!

Hark! An update! With bonus possible self-doxxing! You may recall last week, I was contemplating feeding an apple to my personal drama llama per this adventure at the gym. To make sure I backed myself up, I first decided to get a copy of the waiver I had signed just to check that there wasn't a line somewhere in there that said "we may take whatever facebook photos of yours we feel like taking so suck on that mwahahaha" (spoiler alert: there isn't.)


Getting the waiver was exactly as easy as you possibly guessed:

Can I have a copy of the waiver?
You can only fill out the waiver on our special waiver ipads. For waivers.
Yes, I know. I've already filled out a waiver. On account of how I'm here every day? Remember like 30 seconds ago when you greeted me by name? I just want to read a copy.
Let me see if we have paper copies. [Pause] We do not.
Can you print one?
I'm not supposed to give you a blank one.
Can you give me a not blank one? Like, for example, mine?
Well, I can only give you yours.
Okay, please do so.
You might have to wait a bit.
[I wait a bit]

But in the end, it was totally worth it because the very last page, the very last page, contained my member photo that they took two years ago. I realize I may be doxxing myself here but it is worth it because behold the GLORY of this photo:

Illustration for article titled Update! Update! Read all about it!

It looks just like me! Coming soon to a website without my permission near you!

Bonus update: Oh and remember that crazy pants "friend" that I was like "it's cool y'all she is Europe's problem these days"? Back in town for a shot gun wedding.


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