Here's my original post for reference:
Everyone was so amazing in their responses to me. Thank you Groupthink for being a productive sounding board for me in what is the most scary/stressful/life changing experience of my existence. Your support has been invaluable.
I went to Planned Parenthood yesterday. Planned Parenthood is such a God-send. When I made the appointment I told them I was without insurance and they said there would be a $10 suggested donation. I got there, got checked in and nobody asked me for any money. I asked about the donation and the receptionist said that it was entirely optional, but she'd take a donation from me. She was far too appreciative of my $40 donation. What they gave me yesterday was worth way more than $40 in regard to peace of mind and sanity.
I tested positive, I am pregnant. PP claims I am at 14 weeks, simply because their only measure is my last period(which as I mentioned is erratic at best) and I think I estimated it a little further back then it actually was. So I'd say I am max 12 weeks, which is likely a high guestimate anyway. Last night in my internet wanderings I was amused to find this which resonated with me:
At PP I was given loads of information. I was given information for getting on Medicaid in my state and I was urged to try to do it. Though I am not going to go the Medicaid route. I am choosing to get on my boyfriend who will be my husband as of tonight's insurance instead. I think I would have a hard time qualifying for Medicaid anyway due to our household income, and I'm not completely comfortable with the idea of trying to get on a state funded program when I am fully able to pay the cost of insurance on my own. They gave me information for community support services, places that can help with mental health, and a list of the clinics/hospitals that they refer people to. My goal is to get the intravaginal ultrasound(or whatever it's called, the one where they actually probe you) within the next week since PP listed me as 14 weeks along that should be easy, and even seem a bit delayed to a doctor. It sounds like 9 weeks is on average when they like to do the ultrasound.
They talked to me about the possibility of ectopic pregnancy, about warning signs to look out for. It doesn't seem like this is ectopic as I have none of the symptoms, but you never know. I am still insanely scared of miscarriage. We're taking a lot of steps in order to allow this to happen and I am terrified that tomorrow I'll starting bleeding and I will feel absolutely crazy for taking all these steps that I am taking and telling the people that I am telling about it. There is a piece of me that never in a million years thought I could get pregnant without much medical intervention.
I mentioned my period being really erratic and my feeling that I may have PCOS at Planned Parenthood. They couldn't really speak to that very much for me. They said that once I was on insurance to simply bring it up with my doctor then. They also reassured me that there isn't really any reason that a woman with PCOS would be more prone to a miscarriage than any other woman. So that felt good to hear. I am still absolutely terrified of miscarriage. It took us nearly 10 years to get me pregnant. I don't know if this is normal, to fear every time I go to the bathroom, that I might find blood. It's really stressful. I can't freaking wait for the ultrasound. Maybe if someone can like, look all up inside my uterus and see a healthy little sack of goo I'll feel better about things.
About getting married. I know I wrote something along the lines of "I don't want to trap him into marriage," yesterday. I know I am trapping no one. It is my irrational brain talking when those words come out. We have been together for 10 years, he's told me he wants to marry me. I've told him I want to marry him. We are both over planners. We're the kind of people who can't get a second dog because we never find a time that's "right enough." I can't believe we ever got the first dog to begin with. So it's no wonder that a legal marriage would go down like this for us. It is literally classic us. As soon as I told my boyfriend that I wanted to keep this pregnancy he just about lost it with excitement. I'm pretty sure he was trying his damnedest not to pressure me to keep it because he was afraid I wouldn't want it. I am also so overwhelmed at the support of our friends right now. We've told 3 friends and all of them volunteered to get together tonight and have a nice dinner during which our ordained friend will fill out our marriage paperwork, our other two friends will witness, and we will be married. So much surreal. Very unbelieve.
In questions: Does anyone know if those acupressure bands work for morning sickness? I have to work early in the morning tomorrow, in a kitchen. I am going to try getting up super early, putting something in my stomach, puking, then seeing if I'm more capable of not being sick. Because it seems to be a pattern that in the morning anything I eat is just gonna come right back up. I am terrified of the smells I will have to smell tomorrow morning and I would prefer not tell anyone about this yet.
These are the ones in specific I saw at Target today and was curious about: http://www.psibands.com/
Sorry for the novel, but thank you GT for helping to keep me sane yesterday while I was scared out of my mind. I am still pretty much scared out of my mind, but things are becoming clearer. I am beginning to see where this road leads and I am not hesitant one bit. Scared shitless, but still really eager to jump in.