About the professor situation.

I'm not going to do anything yet. I have an appointment with my student adviser on Wednesday, so I'll speak to him first and see what he thinks before I do anything (withdraw or stay in the class, talk to the head of the department, etc). In the meantime I actually did email the professor in question asking for more specifications on the assignment he gave me, as getting interviews with desired "experts" on the topic would be nearly impossible given the short amount of time. On the off chance I do stay in the class, I do want to at least try to get this article done. If he doesn't respond by tomorrow, I'll go to the department and see if they have a phone number or office hours for him.

Even if I do withdraw from the class, there is a chance I'd have to retake the same professor when I retake the class. So I'm not too fond of the idea of wreaking havoc, especially considering I wasn't...all that right in the situation either.

Also, sorry my last post was kind of call-out-y. And sorry for anyone I snapped at or got defensive with. I'm just...fucking upset. I'm upset because I legitimately feel like a failure. For those of you who have an idea of what the past 5 years of my life has been like, you know it hasn't been easy. 2 close family members with cancer, being kicked out of my house, working 4 jobs, random seizures (and all the doctors visits and medications that followed), an unbelievably messy breakup, an abusive ex...I've had to withdraw from classes before and I kind of hate myself for it. I don't even want to admit on here how many Ws I have on my transcript. I could have been finished as an undergrad by now and I'm not, and that feels really crappy.

And I really was trying my best to juggle everything. Five classes, work, the 3 diagnoses, endocrinologist, gynecologist, psychiatrist, psychologist and therapist visits, about to start treatment in the form of meds, a stupid fucking fly problem in my apartment, sick cats, potentially moving soon, living in near poverty for months and coming way too close to homelessness, another goddamn breakup. I guess my best just wasn't good enough.

And it's like maybe I really do just suck at being a human being. Maybe I really am just a completely irresponsible failure who is incapable of succeeding. My health is a mess, I'm obviously not doing well in school, I can't maintain a relationship. Shit, I'm really starting to believe I am the problem in this entire equation. And I'm not really sure how to fix it, to be completely honest. I thought I was trying but, meh. I guess not.

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So, anyway. I did want to apologize for the dramatics and anger. Thank you all for your support, I really do appreciate it. I'm going to try to fix what I can and hopefully make some headway. Maybe I'll get lucky and won't have to withdraw from any classes! That would be nice. I really do want to try and catch up.

But for now I'm just gonna go to sleep. I have the endocrinologist in the morning and I'll hopefully finally find out what's causing my hyperthyroidism, and hopefully start treatment for whatever it is. I guess I'll let you all know what the doctor says, if you want? Up to you. I don't mind sharing.

Thanks again, guys. I'll talk to you all soon.