I’ve always really enjoyed Valentines Day, just not quite as much as its neighbor holiday, Discount Candy Day (Feb 15th). What are you folks up to?
I’m okay. I had birthday celebrations going on Thursday, Friday, and Saturday nights (thurs was my actual birthday, fri was my party with friends, and last night I had dinner with my family) so I’m pretty worn out today. I’ve been binge watching the early seasons of Mad Men, and I went and got a chicken burrito (of which I devoured the whole thing). I bought myself a box of Ferraro Rocher chocolates a few days ago, and a bouquet of roses and daisies, so I’d say I’ve been a pretty good valentine to myself.
I’m doing okayish on the breakup front. I’m only hitting little pockets here and there where I feel sad. I think I wanted out for at least the last two months, so the overwhelming feeling is relief. I loved him so much, but he’s not anywhere near mature enough for the kind of relationship that I want...he said when we broke up that he thinks he’s incapable of being a good boyfriend and a grad student at the same time. I could say that it’s a choice on his part to not do even little things to keep us connected, but you know what... that’s okay. I really didn’t even have it in me to be contentious or upset or argue about that. His unwillingness or inability to be a present and engaged partner has nothing to do with me, and overall I’m proud of the way I behaved throughout our relationship. But, I’m realizing more and more how unhappy and neglected I was feeling. I want someone to be really psyched to spend time with me, who will try new things with me, who will integrate into my life and share his with me, and that just wasn’t going to be Ex-Boyface. That, and I feel like he needs/wants someone who is as to-themselves and introverted as he is, and that’s not me by a long shot. I want to live a robust and exciting life, I want to be out of the house and meeting people, and I want a lot of connection, and I’m pretty sure that would make him miserable. I was miserable staying in all the time and going to same two or three places with him. It’s not fair to either of us.
I have reading for class to do but I think I might spend today just finishing up Mad Men and cuddling with catface. How about you all?