Welcome To The Bitchery
Welcome To The Bitchery
This is a platform for User Generated Content. G/O Media assumes no liability for content posted by Kinja users to this platform.


It’s 85% official.

Photo of me, right in this moment

I was offered the position as Assistant Professor of [the Thing I Do] at [Place Where I Currently Teach Part-Time] University. They have to send a physical letter and I have to physically sign it, but they e-offered and I e-accepted, so we’re assuming all will work properly and this is really happening.

About half an hour after I sent the email confirming my acceptance, The University Where I Languished Last Year called to ask if I’d like to interview. I did not giggle or snort, or even tell them to go fuck themselves, but I did say, “Oh, I’m so sorry! I literally just accepted another position half an hour ago. Good luck with your search!” *click* “... Assholes.”

The salary at my new gig is equal to the salary at the Kansas gig. The university isn’t as swanky-sounding, but my position is tenure-track and theirs is not, so ... #notsorry

In the coming months, I’m gonna BUY A FUCKING HOUSE like a MOTHER-F*CKING ADULT. I will also CONTRIBUTE TO A RETIREMENT FUND like a MOTHER-F*CKING ADULT. I will have insurance benefits including optical and dental, and they will all be in my own name and not in my husband’s name because ... you’ll never guess ... I am a MOTHER-F*CKING ADULT.

The husband has two more years in our current city before he can finish his degree, so we’ll be splitting up the house (weird/sad) and living separately during the week (super weird/much cleaner?). We’ve agreed I get full custody of both dog-beasts. (The littlest one will be fine with this arrangement, as I have made a concentrated effort to make her prefer me. I suspect FluterPup will struggle a little? He’s her favorite, but his schedule, especially in fall, is not dog friendly.) We’ll flip a coin to see who gets stuck with Sh*tty K*tty. (Sh*tty prefers me, but would also prefer to be an only pet. As he is officially geriatric, this seems kindest? Plus living alone after six or seven years of me and my Airedale problem might be depressing for the hubs.)

If you’ve got advice on how to transition from subsisting to existing, or what to do help my already anxious eldest dog adjust to a situation she isn’t gonna love, I am all ears.

Or if you just wanna post victory gifs. Y’know. Go for it.

Share This Story

Get our newsletter