I got into a confrontation with a contract worker at my one job. I'm pleased I didn't let him bully me (he has in the past), but I'm not pleased with how I handled part of it.
He's notorious for being a bully. He's broke our harassment policy on many occasions and has had this explained to him that if he wants to work here he needs to treat people with respect.
I flat out hate the guy. Partially because of the aforementioned reasons, that he was socially ostracised from our church (I don't attend) for abusing his wife, that he constantly wastes everyone's time by explaining how fantastic he is. Partially because he reminds me of every emotionally abusive guy I've dated. They seem to love stating how great they are and point out what a shit everyone else is.
We've never gotten along. I've tried to be respectful, but it's difficult to be pleasant to someone who is an arrogant ass and just plain mean.
I pointed out that this part of his work was done poorly and that's why it wasn't working. I had also told my boss this, and explained how to fix it. So my boss walks in and guys, acts like guy discovered the error and how it was someone else's fault. My boss, teases him in a pleasant way knowing it was 100% his fuck up.
I get left alone with guy. Things escalate. He starts to explain to me all the great things he's done. I keep trying to put him back on the problem at hand. He keep going on about all the more important clients he has. I point out that I don't care about those people and I want this problem solved. We argue about the thing I and my boss want fixed, he refuses to do it and explains how well it works for everyone else and we should be grateful for it. I explain that no it won't work here because specific reasons. He grows more annoyed with me. I get a little more uncomfortable and start shaking.
The conversation moves to programming and he tries to make it sound like he knows a lot about programming. I don't play my hand, I am a novice programmer (self taught), but I'm okay at figuring things out. He trying to get me to program and get me to work for him. He talks about this new technology, and I correct him on it, because it's one I know about because it's popular in hacker spaces. (Arduinos and RaspberryPi). He tries to convince me of how magical it is and I explain, that has nothing to do with our current problem, so why don't we solve that first and then get to the next part. Also that those technologies are accessible and easy to use because they are meant to be. He gets annoyed. I was suppose to be dazzled. I wasn't, but I was getting annoyed and a little scared.
I tell him that if he wants my help that when he sends me his program could he not print it out on paper in the wrong compiler thus making useless garbage. He actually brought it in and show my other boss and I, because we were suppose to be impressed. We were both laughing when he left. He gets more annoyed. I tell him to put in notepad if he doesn't know how to send it through the internet.
He explains how much better than he is than I. That I should respect his knowledge and age.
I tell him that I have things to do, get out of my office and stop wasting my time.
He says something really sexist to me and how I should listen to him because little girls like me don't know any better.
I tell him he's a bad worker and he should respect the wishes of the people paying him.
He tells me to fuck off and that I am rude woman and leaves the office.
I open the door. I was shaking.
"I'm rude, and you tell me to f-off? That makes you rude."
He swiftly comes up right into my face and starts explaining to me how great he is and that I shouldn't dare question him.
I lose it.
In my most patronizing voice, I lock eyes with him and I tilt my head and I say
"Oooooh I'm sooo sorry. Did I hurt your feelings little princess? Awwwwww"
His eyes widen, I can see rage in it, I half expect to be hit and I don't move. He explains what a horrible woman I am
"Unlike you I can do the stuff I say, I don't hide behind lies and stories."
He walks away, throwing things into a box, and tells me what a disrespectful woman I am.
And I can't stop shaking. I go back to my programming and try to chill out.
I feel like a jerk for using 'little princess' because my internalized misogyny is showing. You don't say hateful slurs to prove a point. It was disrespectful, but I wanted to strike back at a woman hater by calling him the thing he hate most. Damn.
I could have said 'your majesty!' —- Little prince is too positive because I use to watch that on tv. Or been like "whoa not cool man." Often I go to cupcake, because it implies decadence. Bah....
Okay, scaredy brain we need to work on getting better words in there.
But I'm also like, good I held my ground and had confidence in my abilities, but damn, I need to watch the hate that pours from my mouth. I need practice on confrontation without connecting to the part of me that just wants to destroy the other person.
I hate that I participated in misogyny.
On top of that, the fight does nothing. It proves everything I already knew and doesn't make the work situation easier. If anything I made it harder on my boss.
Right now I want to take part the system and re-program it myself so no one has to deal with him. My boss has implied that I do this, and now I just need to see what program he used. If not replace all his circuit boards with either PLCs or arduinos.
I'm 100% betting that he's not even thinking about it.