Please excuse me if someone has posted this recently- I haven't been around much, but I tried searching for this and didn't see anything...
Anyway, the following video has been making its way around my Facebook newsfeed, every poster being an irate (white) male.
One of my friends (who is the most #notallmen!!! man ever) posted this and the following exchange took place between one of his male and female friends. I didn't chime in because I just can't even.
MAN: TONS of videos like this. Result almost always the same. Always makes my blood boil.
There's another video that comes to mind. Same social experiment using very similar methods. Guy gets aggressive with girl, instantly swarmed by people getting in his grill. Girl gets aggressive with guy, nothing. People smirking and laughing. When no one reacts, the two decide to step it up. Girl gets progressively more aggressive to the point of actually taking a bat and hitting the guy. Not only are people smirking and walking by, one lady is on camera doing a fist pump and going yes! as the guy is getting his ass kicked. Basically a "You go girl" moment.
Welcome to being male, where your problems can't possibly be real and no one gives a fuck about you if you're in trouble. Only further proof that things like violence are NOT gender issues, but human ones.
WOMAN: While I will never deny that violence against men is a huge issue, I do have an issue with how this is stated. Yes, as a society, we need to take violence against men more seriously. But we also need to take violence against women more seriously. In most cases, people will not stop a man from attacking a woman either. Because most domestic violence occurs within the home. And it has been shown over and over again that people will not step in and call the cops if they hear abuse happening within someone's home. Also, women are much more likely to be murdered by their partners. And they are much more likely to be caused serious injury by their partners. And it hasn't been studied if the 40% statistic is violence by women or violence by men. Early studies show that 26% of homosexual male couples report violence. If it is anything like rape statistics for men, it is likely violence perpetuated by men. 90% of male rape victims were raped by men. Finally, in over 50% of reports of violence against men, the abuse and violence was reciprocal and went both ways. So yes, again, society needs to change how we view violence against men. Violence is never okay. But seriously, quit acting like men are the only fucking victims here. Society doesn't believe women can have problems either (see: victim blaming of rape victims and justification of violence against women)
MAN: Show me where it's stated anywhere in this thread or in the video that "men are the only victims" or that women don't have their own set of issues. This is especially true if we're talking about places that aren't the west, where being a woman is essentially a death sentence if you don't abide by a specific set of rules. Hence why I said violence is a human issue, not a gender issue for feminists and MRA's to sit there and cry about who has it worse. This is exactly the kind of response that pisses me off. Instead of being like "Oh, that's messed up." it has to turn into a contest. I actually agree with everything you said for the record, shock right? Except for the part about "men being the only victims" because I never said it or fucking implied it.
Furthermore, treating things like violence as gender issue creates circumstances that are depicted in this video and COUNTLESS OTHERS.
WOMAN: "Welcome to being male, where your problems can't possibly be real and no one gives a fuck about you if you're in trouble." This line was especially problematic. It plays men as solely victims, when men actually statistically perpetuate violence. I'm not trying to claim one side has it worse. Tell me where I said that. But typically, women are subjected to more violence, not just by domestic partners, but in the majority of relationships. And the violence tends to be more dangerous/deadly. Violence against men is absolutely an issue. I have never, and will never deny that. But, the causes of violence against men and against women are typically different. And again, statistically, men are the perpetuators of violence. So it is still a gender issue. As a society, we need to address how we view violence against men. Women can absolutely perpetuate violence. But we also need to address how we view violence against women. Because neither are fully addressed, hence why the problem is rampant
MAN: Violence is violence, end of story. I don't see why it needs to be a gender issue at all. A blanket statement of violence is not acceptable in circumstances outside of necessary self-defense should be enough. Situations like the above depicted in that video (Which really speaks for itself) exist because nobody takes domestic violence against men seriously. The focus is and has always been largely preventing violence against woman. I believe we're all familiar with the mantra "You should never hit a girl." It should just be "You should never hit people unless defending yourself." No gender specification required.
As to the "Welcome to being male" quote, in this instance it's absolutely true. Watch the video again. Go watch tons of others. Note I did not state that this is exclusive to being male, but this particular issue when it comes to violence in the west is definitely a product of that. There have been so many social experiments all with the same result. Obviously this would change were it filmed in some other parts of the world.
If it makes you feel better I can do plenty of "Welcome to being female" problem editions for you such as "Welcome to being female, where everybody tries to dictate your sexuality and shame you for it."
As you've also pointed out, men do perpetuate violence more. Those are facts, nobody is going to sit there and dispute that and I'm definitely not making that case. Nobody is talking about violence in the home or anything like that, those are all serious problems that I agree need addressing, as is true with all violence. I'm talking about what's shown in the video being a problem, nothing more.
The other things you've brought up are all serious, valid issues that need to be fixed. This social experiment, however, is not about domestic violence in private being overlooked. There are plenty of videos that highlight that problem as well.
WOMAN: I agree. I would be all for teaching anti-violence in that way. And I've seen plenty of videos like the one above. I've also seen videos where a man is yelling at and abusing his partner in their home, so loud that it can be heard down the street in someone else's home. And yet no one calls the cops. It absolutely goes both ways. On the street, people have more accountability. But put the same situation indoors and I can guarantee the results would be very different. I just feel statements like the one above are very generalized and thus harmful, even reversed. But in this case, I will give you that it is true. Generalizations like that applied to a specific problem detract from the overall message, that violence is violence and is never okay, with the exception of self-defense. And yes, violence as a whole is not gendered. It goes both ways. But my issues with videos like this is that they only portray a small portion of the problem and to me, puts violence in the context that so vehemently frustrates you - that issue is greater for one gender over another.
MAN: I can agree with that general message. Sorry for the lack of serious reply, in the middle of a few things
WOMAN: No worries, I think we're pretty much on the same page (and always were) - just arguing over semantics
MY FRIEND: This. Was the most predictable outcome. Ever.