Every day, I go down the street to the gym. It’s a gym inside a hotel, so the doormen to the hotel open the doors for me as I go in and out, and most of them nod politely or say hello because they see me every day. Because I hate that feeling of being like a “regular” some place where you have to stop and chat every single time or feel like they’re watching your schedule, I usually pretend to be busy on my phone as I walk up, or have my earbuds in already.

Every few weeks one of the doormen starts trying to be like “Haha wow, what do you do on your phone so much? what would you do if you didn’t have your phone! You sure love your phone!”

Things I have said in the past when he asks me this

1) Nothing. Just a curt, barely polite smile at his hilarity

2) “Actually, my younger sister is pregnant and expecting her baby at any moment, and I can’t access my phone at work, so I am checking now” (this was a lie)

3) Just flat out fucking ignoring him, which I feel like is totally fine to do if your earbuds are in.

Things I wish I could say to him:

Sir, I am literally only on my phone so you will NOT talk to me or try to be hilarious, so please shut up as the double insult of both talking to me, AND judging me for being on my phone which I am only on to AVOID YOU is just too much for me to bear.

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Taking acceptable new response suggestions, because I am out of ideas. I should note from fairness that literally every single other of the like 10 doormen that work there are just perfect. And also that all things considered, having people run to open the doors for you whenever you walk into a gym really does make the experience nicer.