It's not like today was The Worst. But today was Not Good.
There will be a few references to lady bits and functions, so you've been warned.
I know I get stuck up in my own head, and that I make things worse for myself than they are.
Today started out fine. I had a bit of a surprise with work today, but nothing bad. I was given some tasks that involve an area that I don't usually deal with, and am unfamiliar with, so I stressed a bit about how to budget my time this week. I know I'll end up with frustrations over that. But that was cool. Learning opportunity! Teamwork! I am a terrible optimist, but I try hard. I had an episode in the early afternoon, and that shifted how I felt so much.
Roomie had gone bulk shopping and to Whole Foods and Trader Joe's and brought back some goodies for me (including delicious, delicious hot cocoa), and I was downstairs talking to her on my break, making some cocoa, and I heard PollyDog upstairs getting into something. PollyDog doesn't get into much except paper towels, so I just shouted her name, and grumbled at Roomie about my dog.
Well, I forgot that there is one thing she likes more than paper towels. Tampons.
I went from having four periods a year to having hormones again, to having none, to randomly having them. So four times a year, I'd put my bathroom trash on top of the toilet, and PD didn't bother it. Recently-ish, I decided to keep my bathroom trash in the cabinet under the vanity when I needed to dispose of said products. I did cleaning this weekend, and had a trash bag up here, and I emptied the bathroom trash into it so I could take it down to the big trash can.
I hadn't latched my door.
I come upstairs to find PD licking her lips, so I know she got into something and then saw my trash all. over. my. room.
I knew she had JUST done it, so I knew it was early enough to induce vomiting. After confirming this was fine with my vet, I gave her the H2O2 and brought her outside. You guys, if I had just assumed she ate one and would be fine, she would have died. I can't even believe what she threw up.
But she's fine. But I can't hold onto that. I keep thinking she almost wasn't fine. PD is my very best friend, and I feel angry, guilty, and sad. And nervous...what if something stayed down? (It's really not possible; I'm logically sure of it.)
Roomie took me to the grocery store, and the one thing I wanted to get, they didn't have. This is Not A Big Deal, but I was still so upset about PD that it seemed like A Very Huge Deal.
I have a friend in the hospital, and a third friend of ours asked if I wanted to go visit, and I jumped at the chance, since I'm totally dependent on others for transportation. It was very good...socializing, catching up, my friend is doing well and will be going home much, much sooner than anticipated. But I wanted to leave so much earlier than we did. Not because I wasn't enjoying myself, but my blood pressure kept crashing. I'd already had an episode, and didn't know we'd be there that long, so I didn't have any meds on me (my "oh shit, I'm out and about without meds" pillcase has been restocked now).
I get home and go to bed without my evening soak because it's past when I go to sleep...and realize I'm itchy. Lady itchy. Sometimes I think it's a reaction to the tampon string? I don't know. I am done with that surprise period, but am super itchy. And then I am like "well, I always feel irritated after my period, and PollyDude was over this weekend and sometimes I feel irritated from latex, so this isn't weird. Just uncomfortable."
Then my head goes to "OH MY GOD WHAT IF HE GAVE ME SOMETHING?!" which is stupid because we're monogamous for the past two years, and always use condoms because I fucking hate semen. Then I feel itchy everywhere and take the damn bath I should have taken when I got home. It helped. I took a Benadryl to help further, and now I'm stressing that I won't wake up with my alarm tomorrow, so my body is refusing to sleep so I can't oversleep.
I know I'm extra super sensitive because of how upset I am about PD's ordeal today. I'm also really, really, really scared for my cardiac consult on Wednesday. EVERYTHING is magnified.
I'm just upset and scared and need some encouragement, if you please?