As I went to turn on the water for a nice bath after a long day helping my parents clean out my grandfather's house, it came out...slowed...sputtered...nothing more.

"Fuck!" I say. "Did I forget to pay the water bill? The sewer bill? FUCK!"

Trigger crazy anxiety attack whereupon I dig up our most recent relevant bills. Nope, it seems to be paid up... But anxiety says, nah, it's probably your fault. Queue more freaking out, calling my husband in near tears, taking an extra Xanax.

Husband says, "Relax. I bet the city's just working on the water."

"BUT WE LIVE IN THE COUNTY."

"Same thing."

As he's driving home, he passes a beleaguered posse of city workers who are trying to locate a busted water main that supplies our whole complex. Says the head worker, "Hunker down. You guys will probably be without water for a while, sorry."

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I want to take them up a bunch of hot cocoa or something because it's cold as a witch's tit and is snowing like balls but, alas, I have no hot cocoa and I'm still pretty gross because I never got my bath. I'm just glad that this particular catastrophe was not my fault.