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Wedding etiquette? Food and changing RSVPs

Hello, GT! You are always so wise when it comes to advice on how to deal with weddings, so I am coming to you with my totally inane problem.

I'm not a vegetarian. At all. Except, I have a problem eating meat from specifically young animals, like veal and lamb. It isn't a choice - I had some moral misgivings since I was a kid and just avoided it where I could, and once I was eating what I thought was chicken at a friend's house - when I complimented the chicken, the mother corrected me and said it was veal, and I promptly barfed in the sink. My stupid logic is that I feel like baby animals didn't get a chance to try for freedom or live a life, but at least adult animals had something of a life, right? I KNOW. THIS IS THE STUPIDEST LOGIC EVER. FARMS ARE NOT LIKE CHICKEN RUN. And I don't go out of my way to eat humanely-raised meat, so it's a weird hang up of mine, but it's real.


That happened when I was 17, almost ten years ago, and I haven't tried since, although when I see lamb dishes and veal dishes on menus/cooking shows I feel nauseous, and I don't see it as food.

So. I'm a bridesmaid in my friend's enormous Italian wedding. Great care went into the four or five course meal, and the main dish is veal. There was a vegetarian option, not specified. I stressed over that invite, and ended up choosing veal - I thought, maybe this is my chance to try again, but after I mailed it I felt really badly about it. I should have gone vegetarian, but I really hate vegetables that most wedding veggie dishes seem to be based on (namely, fresh or whole tomatoes and peppers) and I'll get more nourishment out of the veal dish, even if I ignore the veal and just eat the potatoes. But it was stupid. I have been semi-legitimately upset since I sent that invitation. I've also had nightmares about how many baby cows are going to be slaughtered to feed this 400 person wedding. :( (WHY DOES IT MATTER THAT THEY ARE BABIES? I don't know. I KNOW. It's stupid and hypocritical.)

Now, my friend mentioned offhand that a shocking (to her) amount of people have requested chicken instead of veal or vegetarian. I didn't have a chance to follow up on that. My question is:

Is it rude/inconvenient to ask her if those requests mean she's adding a third dish to the menu, and if so can I ask to switch my order? The RSVPs were supposed to be due September 4th, so they wouldn't have made the order to the hall yet. But if anyone is going to be like "Zokajo is such a diva, switching her meal" I don't want to be a hassle. Basically, for people who have planned weddings or been more involved than me, is this the kind of thing you'd hold a grudge about/be bothered by? Or would you just be like "sure!" and tick off another box and forget it?


My friend has been very stressed planning this wedding, and I don't want to add to that in any way, so I will probably just suck it up, but I am hoping there's an easy way out here that doesn't inconvenience anyone.

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