In my defense, I have birthed a few kids. However, I live in Special Competitive MommyVille, where all mommies my age are about a size zero, don't work, and spend all day figuring out how to cook without flour, sugar, or fats of any kind, and work out the rest of the time with personal trainers.
Meanwhile, I live at a desk job, sit on my ass all day and try not to eat and fail miserably. And then I've been so depressed that I stopped going to dance for the one or two nights a week I used to. Now I've got two weddings to attend, beaches to go to and try to prevent my children from flinging themselves into the ocean, and I just can't/don't/won't ever look great. I need the Betty Draper treatment.