Yesterday was an incredibly weird day. I ran into the girl who is, I think, at least partially responsible for stealing my cat in May and one of my exes from like 4 years ago AND...I found out my abusive ex has a child. Who was conceived when we were still kind of together. I'd heard rumors about this child, and I already knew he cheated on me with at least one person, but it's still really weird to see a photograph of the child of someone you almost married. It could've been my child. And it's a girl. He, that man who hates woman and who made me hate myself for years, had a daughter. That breaks my heart. I feel so many conflicting things - sadness, anger, this twinge of missing him that makes me disgusted with myself, relief that it's not my kid.

And then. Today is my 6 month anniversary with my current boyfriend. And we had a fight at 5:30 in the morning. He just got back from his two week trip on Saturday night, so today was his first day back to work, but apparently there was no work today and no one told him since he was out of town (??? weird but whatever). So he came back home before I left for work. And went through my phone messages. I have no idea why. NOTE that I told him he could do this about a month ago because I know we have this ongoing weirdness about the fact that I have one ex, my high school sweetheart, who I broke up with more than 4 years ago, who I still talk to and care about. I figured if he looked at my messages, he'd see that nothing was out of order and stop caring, but instead he sees innuendos in things that are meaningless. I'm always really appropriate with my ex, but it bothers him that we talk at all. And after being stuck in an abusive, controlling relationship for almost 3 years, I just can't deal with it. (my ex specifically did not want me talking to any guys ever.) I don't even care that he went through my messages, because I'm not hiding anything, but when he finds some little friendly remark that I would say to any of my friends and gets upset with me for "being inappropriate"...I just lost my shit at him and starting yelling. He's not doing it on purpose to be a jerk, and I know this, but still...I just cannot deal with it. I can't. I can't be controlled ever again.

So. Bad start to him coming home, and very bad start to our 6 month anniversary. Weird day is weird. Sorry this post didn't really have a purpose, just venting.

ETA: Sorry for being so unclear about dates, times, and all the exes I've had and mention in this post. It would take forever to explain everything.