Greetings from a Buzzfeed wormhole through time and space.

11 Weird Beauty Methods of the Past

In Ancient Rome, urine was often included as an ingredient in facial masks used by women, while it was also used by both men and women to whiten teeth.

Things I've tried out for beauty:

  • Vaporub on cystic zits (results: undetermined because cystic zits are invincible)
  • Hair conditioner for shaving cream (results: excellent skin condition, destroyed razor and minimal hair removal)
  • Olive oil on hair (results: exactly as soft as if I just condition it)
  • Olive oil on hair but accidentally leaving it on for more than 24 hours* and then washing it out properly (results: best possible hair on any human head)
  • Vinegar on hair, instead of conditioner (results: brilliant, if you survive gagging in shower from horrifying vinegar smell mixed with shower steam)
  • Homemade oatmeal facemask (results: same as washing and moisturizing like a regular person)

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Home remedies I've tried for MEDICAL purposes while uninsured:

  • Vaporub on feet to cure cold (results: cold cured itself in 7-10 days...success?)
  • Cabbage juice for alleged ulcer** (results: new appreciation for all things that are not cabbage juice, which genuinely tastes like chemicals that are not meant to be eaten by humans)
  • Warm vodka in ear for ear infection (results: MAGIC)

Y'all got any special voodoo science to share?

Footnotes:

*I oiled my hair, decided to wrap it up and sleep in it. Then I overslept to work on a project, and went all day, and kept it in a braid. Then I was exhausted when I got home, and so I slept on it again. Resulted in best possible hair.

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**We're not sure I had an ulcer, but the cabbage juice cured whatever it was. By comparison, the cabbage juice cured my ISSUE, or at least tricked my brain into thinking other food was acceptable to eat.