“Do you have sweet and sour sauce?”

NO! We do not have sweet and sour sauce. And why the hell do you want to put sweet and sour sauce on something called a cheeseburger roll? Ground beef, grilled onions, dill pickle and cheddar. Sweet and sour sauce does not mix with that.

We have given people syrup at their request to put on chicken tikka masala. Shrug. There is just no accounting for taste.

“Is there meat in your bacon breakfast roll?” Um, yes. There is bacon. “But is there meat?” Yes. Bacon is meat. It comes from pigs.

“Can you put my food in my hand? I don’t like plastic containers. They’re bad for the environment.” Then proceeds to buy a bottle of water.

Technically not a question. “This salt tastes funny.” That’s because it’s not salt. You just reached behind the counter and grabbed cinnamon sugar and dumped it on your Reuben. If you had asked for salt, like a civilized human being, we would have given you salt.

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A friend runs a smoked meat barbecue place. He gets asked what he has that’s vegan. Once he sold a bun with barbecue sauce. The customer was thrilled. He actually felt bad charging money for that.

(My friend is about as diplomatic as I am. There is a reason they usually keep us back of house)