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Today I was working on an assignment, and noticed that the original person who did the assignment did something that once upon a time I was severely dressed down for doing in the past by an immediate supervisor. For some reason, seeing this example made me have an internal freakout about said immediate supervisor, who isn't on the project anymore; in fact, he's been gone over a year.

Backstory: when I worked for the immediate supervisor, my life was hell. He didn't like me. I didn't like him. Fine, whatever. Added bonus: he's...well, how can I put this? Weird. It wasn't just me, and I know I can be anti-social at times. But this guy? Let's just say his people skills weren't so great. Those of you in the entertainment biz can get what I'm saying in that he was good at his job creatively, but he could be challenging to work with/for. He was extra hard on me in critiques, and gave me the most boring assignments when I didn't live up to his rigid standards after going through multiple rounds of revisions on very, very picky details that no one outside of the Comic Book Guy character on the Simpsons would give a single fuck about. Standards that other, similar supervisors didn't force upon their teams, I might add. I've never been overly confident about my abilities, but I know that I can do a decent job on stuff. And when given the chance with the right feedback, I can do a great job on stuff.

I worked for him for almost two years. During that time my self-confidence eroded, my drinking skyrocketed, and all I did when I wasn't at work was sit in a separate room from my husband and ate wonderfully delicious bad food from Trader Joe's while drunk. I didn't want to rock the boat by saying something to a Higher Up about being transferred to a different crew. I didn't want to be That Guy. But then I started having panic attacks about work, and I mentioned to my husband that I was thinking about demoting myself so that I would still have a job on the same project, but I wouldn't have to directly work for this one supervisor. My husband didn't argue with me at all when I floated the idea to him.

I was still contemplating the idea until the incident where said immediate supervisor dressed me down for doing something on my assignment that not only wasn't a Big Deal; it technically isn't even my job to address. For a full five minutes he laughed at me while saying, "You aren't supposed to do that! Why would you do that?!" in a highly derisive tone, and I kept thinking to myself, "Don't tell him to go fuck himself, you can't lose your job. Don't tell him to go fuck himself, you can't lose your job. Don't tell him to go fuck himself, you can't lose your job. Don't tell him to go fuck himself, you can't lose your job..." I made it out of his office without punching things, and the next day after another few panic attacks, I went in to the supervisors above the immediate supervisor and asked to be demoted. They were very surprised, said that I did good work, but honored my request. The offending immediate supervisor moved on to another project at another location soon after, thank goodness. That was over a year ago.

So I don't know what happened today to get me into this mental mess, as I thought I'd gotten over it and moved on. The people on the project overall are nice, even though the project itself is challenging. I've stayed in the same demoted position and it's worked out fantastically for me.

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I guess I just needed to vent about this. Though I must say that if I saw the now-former immediate supervisor again, I'd still have to restrain myself from telling him to fuck off.