Today I was totally adulting, in slacks and a blazer and makeup and nice shoes and earrings. My hair was even okay. I mean, the whole nine yards. I was a total Glamour "do" - no black bar across my eyes today! OF COURSE IT COULDN'T LAST.

I didn't realize until well into my work day that there was a huge spot on the back of my pants leg (fortunately not right on my ass, but still) and my mascara had smudged under one eye. Then at lunch I spilled ketchup on my (of course) white shirt. And stepped on a fresh gooey piece of gum. Which I tracked onto the carpet at the office.

It's like I had the "loser" sign pointing at me all damn day. So I can have wine now, right?