Mild anxiety and depression talk within
Father Grove flew back to my hometown today for a few months to work on selling his house there (my childhood home) so now I'm officially living alone for the first time in my life. I'm "housesitting" for him, which is a great euphemism to make me feel better about basically living at home, although it's not really my home. I don't know anyone in this town except the neighbors.
The anxiety set in as soon as I pulled away from the curb at the airport. I don't know how to live alone. I don't know how to adult. I've made some decent progress in fighting my depression in the last 5 weeks and I'm terrified I'm going to slip further down with no one around to hold me accountable to anything. I did start seeing a therapist so hopefully I'll be able to put in some good work there. Maybe it will help.
I went to the mall after he left because I knew if I came straight home I'd get in bed and stay there, maybe forever. I ate lunch at the food court and chose a salad from Wendy's over a soft pretzel (HEALTH! YEA). I got my eyebrows done and got a makeup organizer at Bed Bath & Beyond. As soon as I got home I put it to work, so now my makeup is pretty nicely organized:
But instead of feeling satisfying it just threw me into a goddamn existential crisis. Why do I have this stuff? Why does it need to be organized? WHAT IS THE POINT? What is my life about?
And the anxiety is still tight in my chest. In a little while I'm going to spin class to A) punish my taint into submission and B) try to work out some of this tension.
I'm pretty sure it's going to be okay, it just doesn't feel like it right now. Summer's coming and I'm looking forward to lots of sunshine. I've got a lot to be thankful for.
How's everyone else doing? Wanna throw some funny or cute gifs my way? Team CatDog, for what it's worth.