Some positive thoughts would be really appreciated guys. I'm calling to get into inpatient tomorrow. I'm so nervous and scared. I don't know that I'll sleep tonight. I made a list of stuff I want to get done before I go in so I feel prepared just terrified about being "put away". Big bird is 100% supportive but he keeps looking at me with tears in his eyes. I think he feels like he failed as a partner. I just hope this fixes me. I'm so sick of pretending to be fine. I'm sick of feeling alone. But the loss of control, group therapy, and sleeping alone for the next week or so seem so anti conducive to what I need to accomplish. I'm supposed to learn to like myself by forcing me to be with myself? It seems pretty hopeless I must admit.

Update: The call has been made. I've got an intake appointment at 3:30. Average stay is 4 days at this particular place which doesn't sound so bad. I'm sure I'll have lots to tell you about on my return. Thank you all for your support and encouragement. I wouldn't be here without you.