Let me start by saying I'm getting a lot better. I still avoid certain places and am distrustful of certain types of men (which I feel bad about, but if they remind me of him I get anxious and grumpy) and I still zone-out when confronted by memories, but the flashbacks are much rarer. Right after Sokka dumped me it was bad because in order to deal with the breakup I couldn't do my usual coping method of using good sex memories to push out the bad ones. Showering, once one of my favorite things to do, was especially awful. Certain detergents were awful. Using the damn toilet was awful. I went through phases of never wanting to talk about it and and going over it obsessively, of studying it like one studies a grotesque yet beautiful insect before pinning it to a display. But I digress...

Now that I'm in therapy and am learning how to be assertive and trust myself most of the PTSD* stuff is going away on its own. My therapist and I were going to work on it but because my symptoms were improving with time and I had other pressing concerns we put it aside. But sometimes, like today, I either stumble upon something or decide to test myself and the memories suddenly chop their way through my subconscious like Jack Nicholson in The Shining. And now here I am, thinking of what happened on an unhealthy level. I'm so angry right now I want to shout his name and exactly what he did in excruciating detail for everyone to hear because they can come to his house and curb-stomp his dick, but I'd rather sleep soundly.

So what do you do when triggered, GT? Aside from getting the fuck away from the trigger, I mean**. And what do you do if the trigger is unavoidable? For example I saw a guy at work last month who looked like my rapist and it made me want to hurl. Lately I've been imagining him standing in the way of whatever I'm trying to do and then neck-chopping him out of the way. But that only works so many times.

*I'm loath to describe what's going on with me as PTSD because it seems so minor now compared to before and compared to what other people face. I'm using it here as a shorthand, I guess, for what goes on with me. I also get these feelings when I think back to when I was suicidal.

**Don't google image search trigger warning. It's fucking triggering as fuck. Sigh...

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ETA: to clarify-Sokka didn't assault me. Sokka is awesome. No one's said anything, but just in case I was confusing.