http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article…

Some quotes:

Ultimately, if your husband thinks you spend the majority of your time complaining, nagging or getting angry, he will feel that all the joy has been sucked out of your relationship.

Don't complain if he moves in with her

Don't ban contact with the other woman

If your husband is still in touch with another woman, it's tempting to lay down the law and say 'no contact'. Understandably, you want her out of your life, but over and over again I've seen this backfire.



Having longer talks

Good communication is at the heart of a good marriage, but going round and round in circles isn't good communication.Constantly cross-examining him about his feelings is like digging up a seed to see if it has germinated.Worse still, these long talks suck any remaining fun and spontaneity out of your marriage. No wonder he wants to leave. Anything for a quiet life.

I'm not saying women should have no accountability in their marriage; I think quite the opposite. I just don't understand why someone should apologize to someone else for an affair THE OTHER PERSON had. A person can have an affair for numerous reasons, and if one of the major reasons is that there is no communication in the marriage, then the person who is unhappy needs to communicate that to the other. I feel like if someone is unhappy with me in a relationship, I would want them to express that to me and we could try to fix it. If it doesn't work then it doesn't work after a certain point. Why do I need to apologize for someone else's fuck ups? We all have a choice to make and blaming others for our mistakes isn't helpful. Now, if this is brought up to the other person and they are unwilling to work at it then that is another story.

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The advice that this supposed relationship counselor gives is pretty sexist. This really bothers me as a child of divorce and of a failed marriage that was only made worse by an affair. I knew as a kid that my parents fighting wasn't a good thing, but I still thought it was normal. I thought the verbal abuse my dad gave me and my mother for years was normal. I won't even get into the emotional manipulation my dad still pulls on me to this day despite our relationship progressing. I sometimes think that if my parents could have communicated (even if it ended up in divorce anyway) we all could have been spared a lot of heartache of an affair and the bitter aftermath.

I don't know the secret to a happy marriage because I don't have many examples to look at; however, I would hope whoever I (might) get married to would respect me enough to communicate with me that there is trouble and he is not happy. If not, I don't think that it is a relationship worth salvaging. I may be naive, but I've been realizing over the past few years a lack of respect and a lack of communication is not something I want for myself when I do settle down in the future.

Sorry for the rambling, but this is such a touchy subject for me. I just can't with the cheating and the sexist bullshit...