I read this thing about how the old guy didn't like the lady wearing the pants on their date and I read everyone talking about what they wore or what they should wear on first dates and basically you are all wrong. Let me tell you something.

When I was dating(I'm in an LTR now) I used to just wear a T-shirt with the words "California Institution for Women" and a pair of giant orange clown pants, and when the guy would ask me about why I was wearing the clown pants I would tell him how I stole them from a Goodwill this one time. Then that also would explain the shirt, so two-birds-one-stone and all that.

That usually worked out pretty good for me, because nobody is ever be rude to a lady that just got out of Chino, believe me. And plus, there's none of this "let's go Dutch" crap, either. You can just go ahead and order the Admiral's Feast and all the extra Cheddar Bay Biscuits you want, and not even have to worry about the guy getting all lip-y about it.

So there you go. Good, solid dating advice. I'll probably write an Oprah book or something one day, so count that as freebie.