They lure you in with:

Oooh, right near the mall!

Free wi-fi

Strangely sized tires that will fit my strangely sized car

Tons of free coffee options.

But then, THEN, they force me to watch Shia Labeouf golfing in a movie. WTF?! There are 5 adults (3 other customers, 2 workers) watching in RAPT attention (and giggling!). It's a golf movie with Shia Labeouf. And my car is still outside!

It's so bad, I'm actually grading essays!