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What would you tell your childhood self? (TW abuse)

Something came up in therapy yesterday that left me kind of speechless. We got talking and at one point my therapist asked me what I would tell my childhood self to help get through the sexual and emotional abuse. And after a few minutes of thinking.. I said “nothing”.

There is nothing I could give my childhood self that would make things better. When asked to describe what I myself like as a child now.. I used the word “Naive”.. because I didn’t have innocence, but I didn’t really understand how bad things were. And there isn’t anything I can think of that I’d tell child!shockwaver that wouldn’t make things worse - because if I somehow managed to open my eyes and start to understand what was going on I don’t know that I would have been able to survive looking at a decade plus before I could leave the house and get out of the situation.

Even if I could go back and tell my mom (and be sure that she’d believe me and do something) - I don’t know that it would have been better.. because I don’t know how I would have survived trying to process and deal with the things that I basically buried for 20 years until I had the resources and safety to deal with them.

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I don’t know what it says that if given the chance to tell my past self something, there is no scenario I can think of that doesn’t make things worse for me. But what I do know is that the thought of that makes me profoundly sad.

What, if anything, would you tell yourself?

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