I am drinking tea & wine and eating whipped cream and wearing my new color lipstick. Because that's how I roll.
Wait, did I forget about the crying? Oh yeah there might be periodic silent tears. Wrapped in a blankie. It isn't so bad tbh.
So whatcha doing GT? Just wanted to check in with my (digital) homy's.
My week has been surprisingly good since I last checked in. I've since moved from smallest and coldest room in the world to my coworkers room which is in the most beautiful and central location of the city. The room is positively ginormous and I'm currently huddled on the couch in her room (each roommate in this house has their own castle with a shared kitchen/bathroom situation). Best part? I got a new roommate who is just an adorable kitty and sometimes walks over to me mewing loudly to get some skritch action. She's a total doll.
These last days have been great because of a few things really.
1. My job is awesome! and here is why
- I had my evaluation! It was great! They thought I was doing great and offered me a 1 year contract! They said everyone loves working with me, I have a 'fierce energy', I have great task responsibility, I'm great at my job and I'm very flexible. The only threat to my skills is my skills developing too scattered so they'll help with that (by putting me on good projects) and they'll work on trying to take any stress off my plate!
- In the evaluation I said that one thing I wanted to work on was that when I feel frustrated or angry I feel I'm spouting that energy into the room and I don't want to negatively affect my coworkers. So I want to try to a. get better at managing feeling that way b. get better at keeping it to myself. My senior said that, although this was entirely her opinion, I actually try too hard to be tough and should feel free to let my feelings go if I want. Interesting..
- Thursday was our new-years party (..yes I realise it's late.. our bosses are a bit scatterbrained :p) and it was SO MUCH FUN. We had a wine-tasting, dinner, then when the place closed went out to go dancing to rock and roll music. Everyone stayed till late (including the bosses and more senior coworkers) and we danced the night away to god-awful music but nobody cared.
- I also slammed tequila with one of my bosses. Which was delightfully hilarious and not at all awkward or pushy (as it might be if this steps over your work-personal boundaries or you don't actually like your boss so much).
- Most coworkers found out about me leaving my relationship. They were all very shocked since they hadn't noticed anything in my behavior. (I hadn't been ready to talk about it yet) Several coworkers took the time to tell me they were very sorry for that happening (I've been very open about our previous break and how we'd been working hard to fix things. They were pretty heartbroken in my stead) and they were sure I was going to land someone better in no-time (truly unnecessary, but nice anyway) and are all keeping an eye out for a place to live for me!
- Friday morning we made/had a big brunch with fresh croissants, eggs, juices and everything. We all laughed at the night before and then we all got back to work. Just like that! I love that. No one going "omg did you see what X did.. can't believe he/she did that.." no negativity, nothing! I LOVE this place!
- Did I mention I'm sleeping in my co-workers castle who is a total angel! She truly is.
2. So are my friends! I also saw my girlfriends friday and we had a good time, having a picknick in her new house (together with her boyfriend who is also my coworker, small world) because they don't have furniture yet :p
3. There this freedom now. This morning I got up, petted the cat, showered and went out. Ate a bagel and read a book at a place I like then just walked through town, in the sunshine, as I gathered presents for tomorrow (my brother had a birthday and my mom will soon). I felt without a care in the world.
4. I'm phone-detoxing right now. I also left my phone at my parents house by accident so I've been phoneless for days. Which meant that I had to let go of weird notions such as knowing how to get somewhere or knowing what time it is. It's been a bit tricky but also liberating! I can easily walk down a block without ever glancing up from my phone screen, it is without a doubt an addiction, pure escapism. I hope I can manage to not do that until now.
5. I've felt lighter this week than I have in a long long time. Everyone I've met is shocked that I'm not breaking down every other minute and frankly so am I. Although right now is not my best moment.. It was to be expected. I don't know if I'll be able to hold on to that as I go on. But for now I'm not worrying about it too much.. I think I probably have been too busy with just living from day to day and figuring out where I'll sleep that I haven't had time to wallow. But today I bought myself a nice dinner but decided that actually, wine and whipped cream sounded better so that's what I'm doing now. I'm wallowing a bit. I'm allowed to wallow a bit.
6. All the housemates in the places I'm crashing are SO nice and understanding. Tuesday one made dinner for her and a friend and asked me to join, we had wine and laughed about their stories. Today a housemate is holding an enormous brunch party (he's been cooking for 2 days! Yikes) and then told me to feel free to help myself to any leftovers I wanted! So I did have _some_ food. Another got me hooked up with the fast wifi. Aww yeah!
Also.. Making out is also fun. So I kind of made out with that one co-worker again.. It was SO much fun! I forgot how nice it can be to just have fun without expectations, without all this heaviness about it, without all this meaning too it, without having to wonder if your lack of sexual excitement means there's something wrong with you, without all this drama! Nothing else happened and as we walked back to the office we both agreed that it was hella nice and fun. The day after we were coworkers again, like nothing ever happened (no awkward flirting or anything!). Which was perfect! (although I would love to actually have sex again, I'm not ready for that kind of intimacy with anyone yet, a week is not enough time, so this was perfect)
Bonus pic of the cat being totally adorable! (I had to photobooth it.. I won't have my phone until tomorrow)