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When a friend really isn't a friend

So I think I am starting to accept that my best friend of 8 years isn't really a friend to me. I am the only one putting in any effort into the relationship. We were roommates in college and have pretty much maintained our friendship until I got pregnant last year after a quick courtship and a pretty traumatic miscarriage. My friend, let's call her Jane, got married right after college and bought a house with her husband at 22. She has had 6 years of stability while I joined the military, got my masters, moved to Boston and back, moved in general like 30x since I graduated high school. We had more in common when we were not in a similar life phase.

Jane was trying to get pregnant pretty much for my entire pregnancy and a bit before it too. Maybe I wasn't sensitive to her infertility issues to her liking but I really tried to be sensitive. I had a really difficult pregnancy (emotionally) and she wasn't really emotionally supportive because my pregnancy made her feel bad about herself.

Jane is 20 plus weeks pregnant. She told me she was pregnant when she came up to meet my daughter. I have tried to be even more supportive. I have been picking up frog themed baby stuff for her and checking in after her appointments. Driving up to her so she doesn't have to drive. And in all of this, she has frankly been a bitch. I have been struggling with a cranky newborn and a husband who is pretty much always on call but I still value our friendship and reach out. She treats our interactions like one more thing to check off her busy schedule.


What upsets me the most is her passive aggressive comments towards me about being a stay at home mom. And they are constant. Every time we hang out, I leave more or less crying. The other day I said oh man your pregnancy is going super fast. Mine seemed to take forever. Jane said it was because I stayed home and didn't have work to distract me. It was said in a very contemptuous tone.

I brought that comment in particular up saying my pregnancy felt long due to my previous pregnancy loss, not because I don't work. She said she didn't mean it like that and I said ok I am glad we cleared the air. Radio silence. I wrote her yesterday if me bringing up the comment upset her and she said she was surprised because he character didn't lend to how I took the comment. I said that the comment hurt my feelings and we should be able to bring up hurt feelings if we accidentally say something mean instead of being secretly upset or resentful. And all she replied was I like openess. And I can tell she really doesn't.

It just hurts when your best friend is devaluing your life choices constantly. I am not going to always stay at home but right now it works for our family. I think the worst is that she acts like I have to work around her schedule because she works and I don't. Man, I have a baby and my husband is military. My life is crazy busy.

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