It’s bee awhile since I posted, so I apologize for jumping in with a loaded topic.

Thursday morning my mother received a call that my father never made it to work. Friday morning, still missing. Saturday at 2am the police showed up at her door. My father committed suicide in a parking lot near his job.

I feel numb and like everything is happening around me. I have a million “what ifs” running through my mind, and the train keeps dwelling on how alone and helpless he must have felt, and what was he thinking those last few moments before he pulled the trigger. There was no note. Probably because the sheer effort of writing a note would have left him unable to carry through with the act. I hope where ever he is he knows how much we loved him, and that life will never be the same without him.

I’m the eldest, and have always been the most responsible for my parents (financially and emotionally). My mom will likely break her lease at some point and come live with me until she is ready to find a place. My parents were married for almost 35 years, and my mom knows nothing else than him, and nothing other than being a wife to him and for him. She hasn’t worked since they married. She doesn’t even really have friends.

Has anyone ever been through something similar? Does anyone have any advice? Suicide has such a stigma attached to it, and I’m struggling through that part as I tell people, and how they react to me/it.

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Thank you