Welcome To The Bitchery

When Coffee Doesn't Treat You Right

How was your Monday morning GT? I bet mine WINS.

Picture this: you have just fetched a piping hot grande coffee from the Starbucks down the street with your coworker. You sit back down at your desk, taking a tentative sip. You swivel your chair, catch the corner of the cup with your elbow(? Knee? Wisp of hair? Still trying to figure out how I did this) and watch as the entire cup somersaults upside down and pours down your lap, keyboard and spreads in an evil brown puddle on your desk. The desk that you had just remarked about; the desk that is currently covered with way too much shit that you need to organize. The desk that is now drowning in the caffeinated nectar that is supposed to make your day EASIER. All the coffee on all the desk.

Here's what happened next.

Stand up until liquid stops pouring off my person. Hastily check pile of papers on desk for anything important that is now coffee-stained; throw everything else away.


Check the bottom of the coffee cup, while coffee is literally pouring into my underwear, and confirm that there is an inch - maybe two - of salvageable beverage. Chug it greedily.

Turn keyboard upside down and watch as waterfalls of coffee run off it, onto the carpet below (which is luckily already drenched with coffee).

Walk to the bathroom, steal HUNDREDS of paper towels and take care of business.

At least I wore a black dress today made of some magic quick-wicking fabric and it was dry in about 10 minutes. Downside: I smell like stale coffee and will all day.


Oh, and did I mention my first meeting after this is my performance review with my manager?

Share This Story

Get our newsletter