Welcome To The Bitchery

When Did You Realize You Were Old?

​I've been sitting here in my oldness since yesterday. I have yet another episode of calcific tendonitis of the shoulder. It's painful, severely so, and leaves you having the dexterity of a T-Rex. And, it's caused by oldness.

I know because when it first happened to me last year, I asked my ortho, I says...


Ortho: "Well, we don't know why it happens. We just know it happens to people beginning in their thirties. It's just one of those life things, you know?"


And that's when it hit me. I'm old. I'm officially an old.

It's all downhill from here. No longer will I raise my arm freely, without a care in the world. No longer will I eat ice cream and think, "Mmmmm, delicious!" Now, I will only think, "Will this calcium be my demise in a few months?"

Oh, oldness. You are cruel. Cruel!

So, anyways, I'm just sitting here with my a functional left arm and right forearm and wondering...when did other people realize they were old?

Share This Story

Get our newsletter