Welcome To The Bitchery

When do we give Melania credit for being a masterful ratfucker?

I knew nothing at all about Melania Trump before this campaign and truly didn’t care. The first I really paid attention to her was when the Republican National Convention happened, and she plagiarized Michelle Obama. Ridiculous! Hilarious! She couldn’t possibly have been that stupid that she thought she’d get away with it! She took the blame, but everyone assumed it was undermining speechwriters or really fucking sloppy speechwriters.

Then the Pussy Bow Blouse happened. And everybody went, “No way it was her idea”. She’s not that smart. She must have a stylist who hates Trump.”


And then Melania had her attorney demand People magazine retract a portion of their interview with Natasha Stoynoff. Not because Stoynoff accused Donald of sexually assaulting her, mind you, but because Stoynoff said she later ran into Melania on the street. Not a single attempt to suggest the accusations against her husband were untrue.

“The true facts are these: Mrs. Trump did not encounter Ms. Stoynoff on the street, or have any conversation with her. The two are not friends and were never friends or even friendly.”

And now there’s her first campaign speech. Which not only is about how people are too mean on social media (which everyone is assuming she doesn’t comprehend the irony), but also has statements suspiciously like something previously made by Marla Maples.


See, here’s the thing. As Ian Fleming said, “Once is happenstance, twice is coincidence, three times is enemy action”. Four times? Don’t piss on my leg and tell me it’s raining.

People everywhere, including on Jezebel, are saying there’s no way she could be doing this, calling her dumb, an “automaton” who only does what her husband says, and continuing the narrative that she couldn’t possibly be intentionally undermining her husband. That she’s way too stupid, shallow, and venal to ever do such a thing.


But why the fuck not? The main reasons people seem to think this are 1) she’s an ex-model, and 2) her English isn’t very good. 1) Just because someone chooses a career based on their looks doesn’t mean they lack intelligence. 2) It’s narrow-minded, prejudiced, and often idiotically wrong to assume that a person’s lack of speaking fluency in a language that is not their first language is stupid or lacks understanding.

The only real reason I see to question her intelligence is that she thought marrying Donald Trump was a good idea. But just because your priorities are fucked doesn’t mean you’re stupid. And frankly, I find the assumption that she’s a dumb bimbo pretty misogynist and prejudiced against people who don’t speak your own native language fluently. It’s definitely risking misogyny to claim she lacks agency.


Speech writers, stylists, attorneys . . . the only common element here is Melania Trump.

So until I see evidence proving otherwise, I’m going to assume she knows what she’s doing. And what she’s doing is ratfucking her husband’s campaign beautifully. And getting away with it because she knows everyone thinks she’s a dumb bimbo without an original thought in her head.

Share This Story