I have this friend, and for the life of me, we can’t get through a week without me hurting her feelings. The thing is, I understand that I can be loud and abrasive sometimes. Whenever I come to a spot where I owe an apology, it’s pretty easy for me to see what went wrong.
I also try really, really hard to empathetic; to remember that I can’t decide what someone else feels and etc etc.
Which is why you’d think I’d try harder with this person. But she gets hurt in ways that I just can’t predict. I don’t think it’s just me, but I’m exhausted and over it. The past few weeks have been especially stupid, kind of climaxing tonight where we are furiously arguing via text for the most ridiculous reason to date (see below).
Over the past few weeks:
- She’s gotten annoyed I didn’t offer to let her ride with me to a place that her roommate was also going. I made the assumption they’d ride together, which hurt her feelings. Also, she has a car.
- I said I used to have shoes like hers, but they hurt my feet so I had to stop wearing them. She thought I was criticizing her shoes.
- Had to leave a room because I was allergic to someone’s chinchilla at a party (she said I left the room too abruptly). I’m sorry - is wheezing rude?!
- At the same party, yelled to a room full of strangers “is that kid supposed to be using a skateboard?” about an unsupervised kid we both didn’t know. She assumed I was yelling at her. Why? Why would she assume that?
- At a bar, saying I didn’t realize she’d already come inside, when I was outside looking for her. She was hurt I didn’t notice her go inside.
Tonight, she said I hurt her feelings by: Calling her a ‘demon.’
I didn’t call her a demon. I don’t have any idea where she got that. I assume she misheard me say something, but I can’t figure out what. We weren’t in a conversation about demons. Oddly enough, we hadn’t talked about demons ONCE yet tonight! I think that’s a strange thing to call someone. Also strange? Getting your feelings very hurt by it. Her text message literally said, “It really ruined my night, that you would say that I would eat my children and I’m made of fire.” BUT I DIDN’T SAY ANY OF THAT. BUT WHAT?! WHAT WHAT WHAT WHAT WAHT AHTWWA THAWTAHAWRJAHKJHKAJH
Does she find my tone of voice rude? Is my resting bitch face out and she’s reading too much into it? I’ll never know, because she says things like, “it really hurt me when you called me a demon tonight” and I can’t fucking figure out what the fuckity fuck she’s referring to.
After the thing with the chinchilla, this might have been the last straw.
I am less asking for advice and more venting. I’m done with this. I think she wants attention. I think she has another issue (hell, maybe with me!) and she is all over the place and I can’t solve her mysteries anymore.
ETA: Just want to be clear that I am not discounting the possibility I am unintentionally coming off as a bitch or something. I just am exhausted trying to stay out ahead of this. No matter what I do, I fail, so fuck it.
ETA #2: In case y’all were wondering, we are in our early/mid-30s. So like, not middle school.