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When do you say no to family?

I just wanted a place to organize my thoughts. I’m happy to take advice or hear similar stories and I’m not going to make any decisions anytime soon.

I’ve posted a little about my kiddo before. I met her at 10 and adopted her at 11. She is the oldest of four siblings. At 14 now, she’s a great kid but has come with issues you would expect of being part of the foster care system. She has come a long way but still lots of work to do.


I have recently found out that that her nearest-aged sibling, a sister, has been placed back into the foster care system. Her issues sound similar to my kiddo’s when she was at her worst. We are working to establish contact through her therapist after a couple of years of silence from her adoptive family.

My dilemma, my hearts aches for this girl and she deserves a home just as much as her siblings. My daughter also would love to be living with her again after 5 years apart. But my head knows that one reason my daughter has come so far is that it is just her and me. If we took in her sister, I fear my daughter would regress and don’t know if it would be it truly helpful to her sister. I also don’t know how supportive my parents would be, and they are vital in helping with appointments and other care. They know how much work it has taken with my kiddo. But her sister will sit in a group home or care facility until she finds a family, which at 13 years old and with her issues would be hard to place.


So right now we wait to hear from the therapist about how best to restablish contact and I will be invited to participate in a team meeting about her next week.

Sometimes there are no easy choices and I’m going to watch Jonathan Creek and not think about for a couple of hours.

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