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When you just can't even anymore

I think I've had it with a friend of mine. She's a good person at heart, but she is so messed up and so selfish sometimes, and I am finding it increasingly difficult to be sympathetic toward the constant interpersonal drama in her life.

She's in a (very) complicated poly/open relationship and, although I have no fundamental ethical beef with open relationships, I just can't take the endless drama that I'm expected to support her through. If it's not one thing, it's another. She openly pursues relationships she knows are "trouble," refuses to leave her primary partner who is actually legally married to someone who does not know about her, can't go a week without looking for hook-ups on Craigslist... I understand needing sex and intimacy in your life, but it feels like she compulsively pursues relationships because she needs to feel desired and validated. She talks about how almost every man she meets falls in love with her because she is "extraordinary" and "awesome" and so much smarter and deeper than the other women they're involved with, and it's starting to feel really tone-deaf and transparently insecure. Most recently, I had to sit through her ranting for the better part of an hour about how the girlfriend of the guy she's currently seeing is such a "stupid twit" and so selfish and how he should leave her. It was awful.


The thing is, she's truly not a bad person and she has been a good friend to me in the past. She's been supportive to me through some tough life shit and I'm grateful for that. So I feel guilty that my support has become less than unequivocal lately. But she wants to hang out all the time and tell me all about her relationships, and inevitably, it's always something dramatic and/or ethically questionable and I just can't anymore.

Have you guys ever gotten to the point with a friend where they weren't actively being awful to you but you just couldn't deal with them anymore? How did you handle it? As much as I hate this, I think I might have to start fading her out a bit. I don't want to friend-break up. I just want to hang out less and not be her primary support system for relationship stuff.

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