Up until recently, every dude my good friend has ever dated was awesome. Emphasis on recently.

She's a BAMF. Truly. And all previous beaus have accentuated her bamfiness. But this new guy? Ugh. Tediously boring. Aggressively bland. Excessively vanilla. Like a person machine that operates on banality fumes.

Listening to him talk is like watching the incomprehensively incompetent people in infomercials fumble with perfectly functional products. The words which emit from his mouth hole are as utterly superfluous as the products being hawked to solve those non-existent problems. So naturally, she'll be marrying this one. I can feel it. And I'm going to have to write a maid of honor speech that makes it sound like I'm happy about it. Sigh. I'll just stare at this gif for inspiration.