I’m having a challenging time, friends.

First off - I have bipolar disorder and anxiety stuff (both panic attacks and GAD). I’ve been in treatment since I was 19 and luckily on the same meds pretty much the whole time. I am a pro at therapy. But lately things have not been going so well.

Re: therapy. My therapist has made some comments which have made me really uncomfortable - he’s a man, and I think a conservative Christian, and he approaches stuff in a really gendered way (like my marriage and how men and women are supposed to relate) and made jokes telling me not to “report” him if he made sensitive comments... He also confused body dysmorphia and gender dysphoria and asked me if I wanted to “chop my boobs off” when I was worried about slipping back into disordered eating since I’ve lost 50 pounds. Long story short, I don’t think it’s a good therapeutic situation.

Re: meds. I was recently switched to a different generic of Lamictal (my mood stabilizer) and it’s not going so great. Way more ups and downs. Is this normal? Should I ask to be switched back? And since I’m experiencing more anxiety (about literally everything) and depression (like having a hard time getting out of bed) should I look for a new med to add on? I seriously broke down crying because Beau wants us to go snorkeling at the Great Barrier Reef and I’m scared of sharks and drowning and being dirty and cold. What the heck.

Anyway, any advice or hugs would be welcome. I’m feeling pretty lost, and like I’m wasting my life. Ugh.