...I have missed y’all so much! As I know your lives revolve around my world, I wanted to share where I’ve been for the past weeks, lol. Maybe I just want to tell you because you are some of my best friends and posts with personal, un-newsworthy, inane shit is just what we do when we get together!
Where I’ve been, Part 1, The Mildly Shitty Side
I have a nerve disorder in my face called Trigeminal Neuralgia (I’ve posted about this in the past, but I don’t expect anyone to remember). Lately the disorder has been terrible. Cold makes the nerve in my face go fucking nuts and it has been cold (Texas cold, but cold enough to cause a huge problem). Something that has helped is that: because I moved back to San Antonio, I am able to see specialists at the medical school. So far two things I have come of that: 1) the pain management doctors increased my pain meds to a much higher dose so that I’m not constantly in pain. This is primarily what has kept me away from GT for so long. With the medicine I’m taking, keeping up with reading posts and commenting has proven to be impossible 2) They did an MRA (as far as I can tell it was just an MRI without contrast) to look at the arteries surrounding my brain. They found one (an artery) that is wrapped around my trigeminal nerve and I met with a neurosurgeon at the beginning of last week. The procedure they do is called a Micro Vascular Decompression. Essentially what they do is go in through a small hole they cut in my skull (not too excited about this) and put a Teflon sponge in between the artery and the nerve. I have it scheduled for the end of March…I know I need to do it, but I so DON’T want to, lol. I love you guys if you’re reading all of this. Conclusion: With the pain medicine, I will probably be in and out for awhile, please plan your schedules around my very important presence :P
Where I’ve been, Part 2, The Fucking Awesome Side
Doctor Bright Eyes (formerly Doctor Whom?) and I’ve been together for almost 3 months now. We spend about every free moment that we’re awake talking to each other. We FaceTime, talk on the phone and text (a lot of texting!). Y’all, he’s fucking amazing- like I don’t even know how to explain how great things have been. We started talking pretty soon after my divorce and I felt worried at first because I was afraid I was just going to fall back into the same thing I’d just left; I was worried that I had just forgotten the idea of wanting to stand alone and find myself again. The Doctor (from 15 hours away I might add) has only helped me find that person I decided I wanted to be when my marriage ended. About me: I lost ALL of myself over the course of my marriage. My personality was unrecognizable to friends and family and really me, and I spent 3 years in a deep depression while married, that I couldn’t see at the time. I had accepted that would be my life forever…that I had lost all my intelligence and was dumb…that constantly feeling like a disappointment to my husband was normal…that I was lazy and didn’t try hard enough. But you guise, the minute I stopped crying over the loss of what had basically been a friendship with my husband for 3 years all of that changed! I started doing shit that made me happy and being so happy that I had to give 0 fucks what anyone else wanted. And along the way I met The Doctor. He has done nothing but encourage me to find the person I was a long time ago and to put together the person that I want to be…for myself, not for him. I feel like everyday I find a small piece of myself that I haven’t seen in years. If you remember seeing my picture from Christmas time on the December or January faces post then you know how big my smile was. That’s the first time in 8-9 years that I’ve smiled in a picture without being told to or forced. It was a genuine smile. Lol, it’s probably the first time I smiled that much in a picture, without being drunk, since I was four years old.
1) I’m going to keep up the best I can! 2) The Doctor is moving to my city! Insanely excited! So insanely excited! 3) I’ve started going to Barre classes and I hate/love it. It’s fucking awful and I feel like dying afterwards, but it’s also amazing!
AND…that’s where I’ve been!