This involves pets, public space and coffee. I might make this a survey where you are in situation in which either you or the other person is an asshole. The commentariat can decide. Or maybe I'll submit it to Thatz Not OK.

Every so often, I need a mighty jolt of Starbucks and I go out of my way to a Starbucks before going to work. My last two visits coincided with the few actual nice days we've had. Each time, there's been a woman (gonna guess late 50s-mid 60s) sitting on the bench outside of the Starbucks with a lovely dog. The dog is sprawled out asleep laying in front of the Starbucks door, but about 2 feet in front of it. So if the Starbucks is crowded or if there is any sidewalk traffic (which in NYC occurs almost never.), you have to step around the dog to get into the Starbucks. His position is also about 2 feet from the owner. So imagine a triangle with a door, the owner and the dog. He's unleashed, which is both illegal and safer given where he chooses to sleep.

Two things to know about me:

—I fucking hate for people to get in my way while I'm walking

—I am indifferent to real animals. I LOVE all of the videos/pictures of your adorable pets—because the cuteness is isolated from the poop, the unexpected movements, and the teeth/breath.

This means that everyone else is going "what a cute dog" while I'm infuriated at having to do a two step around the goddamn dog and also that I don't know if there's a legit reason for the dog to be there. I assume that he likes the nice sunny spot, but is it impossible to get a dog to lay down at your feet? Or anywhere else? Is there such a thing a dog narcolepsy where he just has to sleep right where he is? he doesn't wear any kind of vest indicating that he's a service animal (and every service animal I've seen sits much closer to the owner).

Am I an asshole if I say, "he's really cute, but you need to get him to move" to the owner? Can I comfortably say she's being an asshole for continually letting her dog sleep there?

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Which one of us would be the asshole in that scenario? Go on, bring it. I have house guests, so it might be a few before I can absorb your animal loving bile.